Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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