I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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