there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
