Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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