i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
