I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
