You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
