My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
