ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
