i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize