sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
