Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She announced her abortion via fbk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm really busy with my period
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