mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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