I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
