Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
