i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
