Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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