During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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