the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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