I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
