i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
