Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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