i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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