i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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