wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
