He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
