Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
