chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
