you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
