So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
