she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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