I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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