I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
