What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
