i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
me + whiskey = a bad person
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
