I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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