I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
