Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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