tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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