meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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