She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize