The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
