If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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