who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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