I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
