Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
