Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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