I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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