you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
