I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
