making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
