fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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