i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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