just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
