I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dear god my vagina.
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