lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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