If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
