She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
