we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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