Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
