You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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