we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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